what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
