hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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