Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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