Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
