Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
