First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
