How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
