New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize