New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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