I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
