Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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