Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
