how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
