Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
