He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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