i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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