Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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