The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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