No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
