just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize