he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
