I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
