Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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