btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
