She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
