If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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