do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
