Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
