Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my being single is dangerous.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
