I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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