you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
