My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
