Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize