I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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