Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
