I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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