A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
