I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
