Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
