So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
