Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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