Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
