when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
