You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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