Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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