If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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