my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There r osticjed everywhere
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
