Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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