I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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