tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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