HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
