Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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