i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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