I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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