Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
