I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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