too bad you live with your parents still
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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