You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
