Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
