Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it because I queefed?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
