Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
