Do you still have your period?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
